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Ahh Back to Normal |
Man there is nothing like this. It's Friday, during football season, The Hogs are playing on national tv, I've had tests all week, I'll be older Sunday, the beer may be flowing like water, I've still gotta work tonight, and most importantly, The Second Calypso Gimp War has bypassed any signs of diplomacy. It's like The Goitered One versus the non-avatared Sea-nymph. Come out swinging.
(1) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 12:57:35 on 09/26/2003 |
Where the Hell have I been? |
Hello, hello from Germany. Sorry Cow, I didn't like the other page much and I couldn't do shit with it anyway. Sup Aardvark? Seen any ham-hack eatin' wildebeasts lately? I have, fuckin Germans...
(9) Comments |
The Gimp -- 11:47:57 on 09/21/2003 |
New Product |
Just got out of marketing class where my professor brought up the idea of pets being injected with a GPS chip that allows your pets to be found. This once again spawned an extended idea in my mind with the help of a friend also stuck in the class.
How about a chip that you could embed in your kids. The possibilities are endless. There could be the "do not touch" chip. All you really need is the chip and a few sensors strategically located around do not touch items in the house. So, if your kid reaches for some shit he or she is not supposed to, the sensor sends an electric shock into the kid/kids. I think the best way would be to start with high voltages. As the kid learns not to touch, the voltage can be turned down.
However, if you have a real curious kid that can't learn from a few electric shocks, then you could have the chip replaced with a "bitch slap" chip. This chip could be the latest in automated punishing. The chip sends no electric current, but instead simulates the respective "bitch slap" to the child in a manner that is stern but also complies with local and state child abuse laws. The level of "bitch slap" could be controlled by the parent, who is now free to continue normal household functions without ever having to raise a hand or chase the "bitch slap-ee". Just image the entertainment value, you see your kids running around getting into shit, and at the press of a button, your kid is knocked upside the head and involunatarily crumbles to the ground. They then get up minutes or hours later not knowing what happened. This product would be great for indoor or outdoor use. A must have for long car trips!!!
Just imagine the accessories. Hand-held remote LCD viewing monitors, new heat sensing sensors, long range sensors for when your kids run away, new targeting devices to pin-point the wanted area of infliction, assorted punishment chips like "kick in the balls", "full-fledged beating", "time-out my ass", "Oh hell no you didn't", "what the fuck were you thinking?", "you spilled what on the carpet?", "you can't have anymore toys", "shut the fuck up", "I told you to mow", "what the hell did you just say", and "plain old belt".
Just remember you heard it here first. Just imagine the spin-offs for the wife, husband, shitty neighbors, and relatives you really don't like. The best would be temporary chips that you plant on someone else's kids. No more having someone's kid kick the back of your chair on an airplane. No more listening to someone's kid whine in the store. All you have to do is approach the intended target, and seem genuinely interested in the little bastard. With a simple pat on the back and a smile, you now control the little motherfucker. Then all you have to do is walk a few aisles over and unleash the previous frustration. The chip washes out in the laundry so you have the disposiblilty....unless the washers broke..... Wow! I really am a sick bastard.....later
(0) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 12:47:57 on 09/15/2003 |
Moral Question |
Just a quick moral situation, just going to see how many different variations you guys can come up with.
Later.....
(5) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 12:54:53 on 09/08/2003 |
Just look outside |
What a beautiful friggin day man! If all fall and the rest of summer could be this nice i would drop out of school and just ride all day long. It gives me wood just cruisin down the road. Well i just stopped by my house fer a bite and a wiz. Take it easy all. I am out of here and back on the road!!!!
(0) Comments |
tobasco -- 12:24:59 on 09/05/2003 |
Just wasting some time |
I figured if anything this could be used as a public service announcemet. I mean, I know there are at least a few people that sit at their computer and wonder "what would this look like in an earthquake". This way no one will have to vigorously shake their heads until they're brain damaged. Call it my good deed for the year......
Help me! For the love of god I am bored at work......
(3) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 12:24:59 on 08/31/2003 |
So easy yet so freakin hard |
From time to time I have had a history of being a little clumsy. I mean there was the broken arm while mooning a car, the jumping off the house hoping to land on the trampoline(which ended up more like crashing through the privacy fence and breaking both collarbones), etc.
Days like that make a guy feel like the little monkey in shock test experiments. You know...monkey reaches for food pellet and recieves shocks until it learns. Kind of like trying to get some nookie when the "nookie-ee" isn't in the mood.
When it rains, and today it is, normal people who have to walk miles to class use umbrellas to keep from getting wet. That part I at least have down. However, I have learned that there is really no need to use an umbrella if you forget to shake that son of a bitch out before take it indoors to class. If you don't that rain, that you were so fearful of getting on you, does infact find a way to run off the umbrella, down your leg and collect into your left shoe(or right) as you walk to class. Maybe that's why no one invented jeans with an umbrella pocket or hook. Oh well.....
The monkey never learns............later
(2) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 13:01:05 on 08/29/2003 |
Do I know you?? |
Somedays I get the weirdest emails.....
The thing is, if I knew this guy, I probably wouldn't have a problem with his dillusional reoccuring psychosis. Actually, we'd probably get along great. If I don't know you, then leave that time travel shit out okay. I'll tell you what, let me bring up that shit. Nothing personal, I just think it's rude to start off a conversation with that shit.....makes you look like the next star wars kid if you keep that shit up.
(0) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 12:48:41 on 08/28/2003 |
Bout damn time!!! |
Well hey guys. Hope everyone has had a nice summer. I am glad to see the site back up!!! I had alot of stuff to blab 'bout this summer but i forgot 'em. oh-well guess that is what happens when ya get old. Whut was i sayin??? oh-yeah, hey all!!!
(0) Comments |
tobasco -- 01:30:45 on 08/28/2003 |
Wassup Ya'll?? |
Just wanted to drop a load(I mean line) to say what's up. Cow, sorry about 4Th of July.
(0) Comments |
ShagRox -- 15:18:50 on 08/27/2003 |
Thought of the Day |
Don't really know where this came from....it really disturbs me the things that just pop in my head but here goes...
I know, I know I've really got to stop avoiding classwork....Later.
(0) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 12:46:26 on 08/27/2003 |
Zen wisdom |
Ok, after the last post, I couldn't motivate myself to take a shower. After sitting here offending myself for a bit, I decided to add a rotating message under the page title. It should change almost every time you refresh the page. I will try to add more later, and maybe make it where everyone can post new ones. I really have to shower now. Later.
(1) Comments |
The Cow -- 11:19:32 on 08/27/2003 |
Here we are now - entertain us |
Well, a new school year has begun and I put the old site back up. It feels like I have went back in time to last year. I believe everyone still has the ability to post, as long as you have an account. If you don't have an account, just click on 'login' on the left, the choose register.
Here's a little rundown of the rules for everyone.
--Nothing to vulgure, this site does represent me - and I'm not that big of a pervert.
--Cuss all you want, as long as it doesn't get to vulgure.
--If you post anything political, try to be adult about it. I know some of us have different views, so respect one another.
I know that may seem like a pain in the ass, but like I said, this site represents me. If you want to post, go for it. Have fun, get out your aggressions. Tell your friends about the site. Get them to post.
Maybe in the next few days I'll make a few changes. Hopefully we'll get some updated media and more posts. Take it easy, and welcome back.
(0) Comments |
The Cow -- 09:27:22 on 08/27/2003 |
Welcome back |
What up? Let me be the first to unofficially welcome every one back to the site. I'm going to hold off anything official because well this is The Cow's site and well, he calls the shots so Cow feel free to jump in here anytime. Anyway, enough of that shit.
It's barely past noon and I've already got to jump right into the rant department because well it's Monday, the first day of a long semester, it's 115 degrees in the freaking shade, and I've already had to walk up "The Hill" toting a "getting heavier by the moment" backpack full of overpriced books and now a shit load of sweat because I had to park so far from campus the nearest bus stop can only be seen through heat rising of the newly asphalted street which is causing my sandals to melt down my feet to the white meat and I figure the bus that just passed me will stop there well before I crawl through the even hotter exhaust fumes and actually make it to the stop where I can sit and bake in that oven of a bus stop until the next freaking bus comes to pick up what is left of my burnt footed, dehydrated corpse. Did I mention I walked passed the one guy dumb enough to be wearing a tobogan?
What are you thinking, I knew I would be walking a lot. I knew parking would suck. I knew that going to class today is basically pointless other than to pick up a syllabus and check out how many hotties are in my classes. I knew that many of them would be wearing their daisy dukes. I could go on and on, but never in my mind did I ever think that today would be a great day to try to style out my black skull cap. I can't feel sorry for that poor bastard. It's his own fault if the sun nukes his freaking brain. It's like trying to feel sorry form an anorexic. "I don't want to eat!!!" Okay, fine don't eat, saves me money if we're dating. As a matter a fact, when you get up to go to the kitchen to not eat save some strength to bring me back a beer.
Oh yeah, uhh welcome back everyone!
(0) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 12:58:33 on 08/25/2003 |
fuckin' ass shit always happen |
Ya know it just seems like every damn thing always hits at the same time. The week started out ok, i had alot of little jobs to do around the house and monday and tuesday i busted my ass and got most of 'em done. So I am thnking i can take the week easy and just study. Well when i looked at my plans for school for this week it hit me that i fucked up. Now it was tuesday afternoon, and i had a western civ 2 test 8am wed and a speech due at 9, a four chapter comprehensive in civ fri and an 10pg essay due mon for civ. ok i still had plenty of time, right? so i study my ass off tues night and write m speech. I make a 100 on both, whoopie its gonna be a great day. I get out of class and my wife is waiting in the parking lot. So now i have to make a mad dash to little Rock. I had forgotten about my sons doctors appointment. So we get back late of course. I have a message on my machine. We are having a patio built in m back yard and the workers will be here in the morning, because thay had a cancelation. So now i have lost another day, hardly any work on my essay and its easter weekend so family is gonna be in the way all weekend. And barely and study for my 4 chapter civ exam. and now i have just blown away aother few min writing this. but hey someone had to post something.
(4) Comments |
tobasco -- 20:09:31 on 04/17/2003 |
Counterstrike |
Ok, some of the guys and I have been playing counterstrike lately. I have been playing with server stuff in the game and thought it would be nice if I threw up the stats(no more link). Enjoy.
(3) Comments |
The Cow -- 12:23:20 on 03/21/2003 |
GameSpy |
Okay computer guys. I've downloaded GameSpy and I've got Medal of Honor but I can't seem to connect to any of the servers and actually PLAY the game. Any ideas?
(7) Comments |
The Gimp -- 02:43:50 on 03/18/2003 |
Good Lines |
Guys will always have their come-on lines, some good some bad. Well I was at the gym tonight along with The Aardvark and we were joking about different pick-up lines. He mentioned something about motor oil and jumper cables just before an attractive girl walked by. The question went from being how to ask, to how to look. My favorite is to pop my back in one direction and then in the direction of the hottie...generally gets the job done.
So, do you guys have any good lines?
(17) Comments |
The Gimp -- 00:56:07 on 03/07/2003 |
The History of Calypso |
Calypso (Greek Mythology); A sea nymph and daughter of the Titan Atlas. Calypso lived alone on the mythical island of Ogygia in the Ionian Sea. When the Greek hero Gimp was shipwrecked on Ogygia, she fell in love with him and kept him for seven years and promised him immortality and eternal youth if he would stay with her.
A nymph, huh? In todays literature, would that be read as 'nympho'? So I guess she really likes it...
(6) Comments |
The Gimp -- 22:22:38 on 03/03/2003 |
Ruff Riders |
Just curious how many of our wot enthusiasts ride motorcycles? If anyone does what kind do you have?
(2) Comments |
Scorpio -- 17:04:51 on 02/28/2003 |
Gimp/Calypso War |
You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear that was a lot of sexual tension between The Gimp and Calypso. The two of you could either make one hell of a brawl....or.....mount the handle bars on the headboard and go for a serious ride. Well,......maybe that's too advanced for this stage in your "relationship"....perhaps the two of you should start by shaving the squirrels and getting out the mayonaisse.
Oh well.....just stirring up the ol' shit blender.
(12) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 17:36:46 on 02/27/2003 |
My Reality TV |
I have gotten really bored with reality tv. It somewhat perturbs me to know that every week there is a new reality show coming out.
Fear Factor,the only one I can stomach to watch, can be somewhat entertaining, but I want to see a few improvements.
First of all, a lot of the stunts involve near-freezing water.....that's great. However, why not try the other end of the spectrum. Use boiling water, or maybe near-boiling water, maybe only 200F degrees. So it would be who can swim through the underwater maze before their insides are cooked? Maybe, whoever has the least degree of burns wins? I don't know....stay with me here...
Second, as long as we are talking about water, let's get serious. How about you throw a guy in the water strapped to some cinder blocks til consciousness is lost. The challenger then dives in, cuts the rope, then drags the bloated carcass up and out. Then you have to recessitate him. Whoever completes the challenge the fastest, wins. Or, if you recessitate them, you move on to the next day. If your guy dies, you're disqualified/eleminated.
While we're talking, how about performing a few surgeries. Say you throw a baseball to know down bottles, the number of bottles knocked down matches the level of difficulty of the surgery. Knock them all down, a simple tracheotomy....maybe apendix removal. Leave a few standing, hysterectemy...maybe a kidney removal. You miss them all and it's into the chest cavity....or a gun shot wound to the head.
When it comes to eating disgusting stuff, let's quit dicking around...just bring out the cadavers
To keep from going on and on, how about a simple reality show. One that is actually based around "the majority" of our realities. That way you won't have to ask these questions: Why do people in reality shows never have to go to work? Why are they always in some really nice mansion? How come no one dies? Why is the winner paid? Why don't they make them pay bills?
Why not have a show about an average person, you know the kind of guy who wakes up, smokes a few cigarretes, barely showers, grabs a beer for breakfast, road rages his motivationless ass to work a shitty ass job for a shitty ass wage, dreams of fondling a few secretaries, takes a disgruntled two hour lunch, rekindles the road rage on the way home, only to find that his wife screwed the mailman, the kids are beating each other while trashing the house, the bank just repoed the car, the dog died, and a few more bills came overdue, and the shitter's stopped up with a Power Ranger.....
Oh well..we can only hope
(9) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 17:45:42 on 02/25/2003 |
Taxes are Stressful |
I don't know why everytime I go to H&R Block to get my taxes done every Madison County inbred piece of trailer park monkey shit trash decides to unearth themselves from the rock they were under.
To make matters worse the older mother/aunt/sister decided to pick at her one good tooth and flick shit all over the floor while the rest of the aborhignal clan plays around with Jethro's new cell phone by playing ring tones over and over and over again to figure out with one sounds the coolest. I wanted to recommend "The Battle Hymn of The Non-Splitting Family Tree".
Meanwhile, I had my appointment set, while other people just walked in and had to wait longer. Apparently this was the case of a man and his girlfriend who had judging by their blood pressure, had been there since Memorial Day '02. The following in an excerpt of a conversation between the couple and the employee after an appointment making couple got to go before them.
Woman(who will from here on out be known as The Bitch)(walking up to counter):why the fuck did they get to go first?huh?We were here first.
Woman behind Counter(who favorite saying is "Thank you for calling H&R Block at our New Fiesta Square location this is _____, how may I direct your call):I'm sorry, they had an appointment and appointments go first.
The Bitch: Why the fuck do you say walk ins welcome then?.....walks off....mumbles bitch
The Bitches Boyfriend: Damn bitch, calm down(to The Bitch).
The Woman: I'm sorry again about the wait, and incendentally if you call me bitch again don't think I won't come around this counter slap you up against the fucking wall, and beat you within an inch of your life cause my daddy taught me to fight like a man, and I'll be damned if I won't whoop the piss out of some skinny slut like you.
The Bitches' boyfriend:.....wow
The Bitch:(while leaving with her boyfriend dragging her out)You fucking whore, I'll beat your ass, step outside bitch, come on, I'll fuck you up.....
Another H&R Block accountant whose cubicle was behind me(heard by me evesdropping after the brawl):I thought my checks had cleared....I was certain they wouldn't bounce, I'll take care of them again....I just thought I balanced my checkbook last month, let me look at it....hhhm, okay, okay, okay,....ohhh, ooops, forgot to substract my rent...shit!
So to recap the morals here:
1-Do your taxes yourself, especially when your accountant takes a lot of bad check calls at work.
2-Never fuck with a secretary who is 6 foot 235lbs.
3-Only inbreds can find joy hearing cell phone tunes over and over and over again.
Have a nice day!
(5) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 17:45:30 on 02/19/2003 |
Bastards! |
As some of you know, I'll be leaving for the Air Force in April, so I decided to get in gear and find out what all is happening around the world. Lately I haven't been able to pull myself away from the news. Whether it's on television, or in the papers, magazines, or online. It's a very exciting time with all of the bullshit thats going on around the world. Did you guys know that there is some dipshit out there with all kinds of biological weapons and stuff? This guy even has what he calls a "Very Hi-tech Missile" that blows shit up. Very scary.
Hell, I even found a pic of Calypso. Hey, she's right! She does have breasts!
(6) Comments |
The Gimp -- 23:56:46 on 02/18/2003 |
And finally..... |
This must be somewhere near here.....Even though we don't have any where to go watch "Spy Kids Blow Pokemon", right after picking up a couple cheap teens from the A&W, we sure as hell made up for it with confusing ass road signs...
(4) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 18:36:41 on 02/16/2003 |
Hhhhhm.... |
Some towns just have all the damn luck.... We never had any movies like this in my hometown, especially for a date, after going to the A&W shop of course.
(3) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 18:27:27 on 02/16/2003 |
New Restaurant |
Some towns just have all the luck... We never got any good deals like this in my hometown. There it was all this dinner and a movie and putt-putt, and some kind of committment, and, and all those damn hassles.
(1) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 18:19:09 on 02/16/2003 |
Damn Drunk Drivers |
The other day I was going home from church and as I came to a stop at the light I noticed this chick with 'CALYPSO' plates drive up on the sidewalk, knock over a stop sign and proceed to plow over a small child. She then stuck her head out of the window, muttered something about wanting big nuts, and t-boned my car. Well, I was about to t-bag her but then I realized that she wasn't my type. After all, she had breasts...
(5) Comments |
The Gimp -- 00:59:02 on 02/15/2003 |
Dorks of the world unite! |
I'm just curious if we have any gamers in here? If so what games do you play? And if we do have a few players in here are any of you planning on playing Star Wars Galaxies?
(4) Comments |
Scorpio -- 20:19:32 on 02/14/2003 |
Nothing Really...... |
(4) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 17:35:03 on 02/13/2003 |
Another tip |
Here is another link to get software to get rid of spyware and those freaking annoying pop-up ads. It's called Adaware, download Version 6 today.
So anyway, I borrowed my boss' van today to go pick up some stuff for work. Darndest thing happened, right about the time I was merging off the bypass onto College, this guy aimed his flame-thrower right at the damn van. I had a lot of fun trying to explain to him what happened. Maybe I should have just told him when I filled up his tank with gas I spilled a little while I was flicking my cigarette. Oh well, at least I wasn't driving that school bus full of helium again.
Have a nice day!
(0) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 17:11:25 on 02/13/2003 |
Tip of the week |
What's up everyone. I thought I would throw out some advice to all of the people who check out this site. If you download music/movies/games on the internet, then there is a pretty good chance you are using kazaa to do it. I have come to the realization that 99 percent of people use regular kazaa, which is riddled with spyware and adware. I you are included in this majority, for the love of god click here...now!! This is called kazaa lite, and it is the same program without all of the bs and ads.
(3) Comments |
The Cow -- 11:57:04 on 02/13/2003 |
The Aardvark Returns...hahahah |
Okay, so some of you, errrr, well a few have wondered where the hell I have been.
You see, there was this space ship and they took me away. They forced me to smear motor oil all over my body and then straped jumper cables to my nipples and then there was all the yogurt....
Anyways, so they forced me to watch vampire movies over and over and over again. What sucks is that Christopher Walken was not in any of them. I mean what kind of freaking vampire movie can you have if Christopher Walken isn't in it.
So upon my return to earth, I filled myself full of self doubt. As scarred as I was, I found the will to carry on, and more to the point "Waste Time".
So in order to waste your time, I have one question. Why do ALL the vampires in the movies chase christians?????? After a while I'd have to say, "C'mon guys, let's quit dicking around. Let's chase muslims, chase jews, chase hindus, they won't be fucking toting a cross".
Such a nice way to return huh?
(6) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 17:05:13 on 02/12/2003 |
??? |
Where the hell is The Aardvark?
(1) Comments |
The Gimp -- 21:08:38 on 02/11/2003 |
Damn Catholics! (1) |
I'm pretty tired of Catholics getting a bad rap because of a couple of horn-ball priests gettin off at the likes of kids. Some of it is true and some of it isn't, but God Damn the man who went this far just to make a point. On the other hand, it's not like Father Jack Meoff was pretending to be Jesus, maybe it's just a coincidence...
p.s. I love being Catholic
(20) Comments |
The Gimp -- 00:55:40 on 02/10/2003 |
Rap video playbook (1) (1) |
Recently it has come to my attention that there is a "Big Pimp Playbook". Yes it has been confirmed that all rap videos come from this manual. Now within the pages of this book are all of the steps needed to make a rap video. The following is an excerpt from the "Big Pimp Playbook". First add two cups full of Gold Teeth . Second add three sticks of "Big Booty Hoes ". Vigorously stir in enough "Bling Bling " to choke a camel. Add at least one big fat sweaty guy who says such key phrases as " Yea Biatch" and "Dirty". Blend these ingredients together with cruising around in you over priced ride. And finally add just a dash of "Flashing your rollee ". If anyone has any information as to the whereabouts of this playbook please let me know so that I may destroy this abomination. Hopefully if all goes well the rap community will once again be able to think for itself. Thank you.
(4) Comments |
Scorpio -- 20:19:04 on 02/05/2003 |
Anyone have any ideas??? |
Well, I have finally got the background colors for the tables to work in Mozilla. Turns out I was missing the hyphen in 'background-color'. Oh well, it is fixed. If anyone out there does any web editing, do you have any ideas on the following problem. In Mozilla/Phoenix, when I first put my mouse over the menu, the selections stay lit up until I move my mouse back over them once. I checked my code against bamf and I thouht it looked the same. However, I have no problems with the menus staying lit up on that site. If you have any idea about web pages, check out the source and let me know if you see the problem. Thanks, later.
(0) Comments |
The Cow -- 11:38:40 on 02/04/2003 |
Everyone can post |
OK, if you can see this, then it means everyone that registers can post on the main page. Testing...1...2..is this thing on?
::OK, this is the cow here. The forums are now integrated into the main page and everyone that is registered can post. You must also be registered to add a rant. Anyone can register, just click on the 'log in' button and then click on 'new user'. Also, I do not mind if people are saying 'fuck' every other word. However, some women visit this site, so try not to get too crude. Thank you very much for cooperation and support. Later -- The Cow
(1) Comments |
drharv -- 20:01:35 on 02/03/2003 |
Pop Quiz kiddies |
Ok for one million points from what movie is this robot from?
(7) Comments |
Scorpio -- 19:28:31 on 02/03/2003 |
Battlefield 1942 |
I was just curious to see if we have any battlefield players on this site? If so what do you think about the game?
(0) Comments |
Scorpio -- 18:21:43 on 02/03/2003 |
Something |
Ya know, i just started back to college after taking 2 yrs off! Why 2 yrs you ask? Because I got married and we had a child. He will be 2 in march. Well to get to my point, my brain aint working right anymore! I can barely add and subtract! (makes me feel kinda slow in allgerbra). I wish they would make somekind of Allgerbra for Dummies book. I mean lets face it the "Dummmy" books are just the best books written! I have like 20 of 'em! Everytime I go into Barnes and Nobles I pick 1 up. I can finish them in a couple of days and everything is explained. Now you might ask your self what does this have to do with you? Well maybe nothin, but I was just hoping that the internet fairy would deliver 1 to me. Besides this is my 1st post and i need to get warmed up, I need a "Posting on Waste of Time for Dummies".
(1) Comments |
tobasco -- 10:32:37 on 01/31/2003 |
What do you think?? |
Well, I think that there are a lot of people that come here that aren't registered (I know there are at least a few from looking at the access logs). I would like to get to know them better, and hear their input on the posts. Maybe even let everyone post on the main page. So I have two options - just keep begging everyone to register, or make the rant bar for registered users only. I don't know, that may just cut down the number of rants. What do you think? Oh yeah, if you are registered, you can respond to the question.
On a side note, I have been playing the hell out of a kick ass game called Battlefield 1942. Me and another guy have started a clan. If you are interested in joining or just playing together, drop me a line. Later.
(5) Comments |
The Cow -- 01:42:54 on 01/30/2003 |
Simmer down now |
If you want to have a fight here, that is more than welcome. Please though, register and have it in the forums. Leave the list on the front page to single complaints, not a damn debate on proper dating practices.
Please don't take offense to this - I am just playing - but please do have a fight in the forums. I can guarantee others would appreciate it.
(2) Comments |
The Cow -- 19:19:06 on 01/29/2003 |
Old school waste of time |
So I went to my hometown this weekend. On the way back I was bored, so I got out the laptop and wrote this little throwback to old games. If you like it, let me know what your high score was. So far I've only hit 1200, and that was with the speed set at 4. Later.
(1) Comments |
The Cow -- 12:09:31 on 01/22/2003 |
Whaa?? (1) |
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and waves. Along came a spider, looked up inside her and said, "Damn, Bitch, that pussy's wide!"
Feel free to join in with your twisted poems...
(0) Comments |
The Gimp -- 19:43:54 on 01/20/2003 |
Whaa?? |
Okay, so I said, "Recked 'um? Damn near killed 'um!!!"
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The Gimp -- 19:39:23 on 01/20/2003 |
To whom it may concern... |
Seriously guys, I see in the logs that people visit the site everyday, but no one is posting a damn thing. If you don't have an account click here for christs sake. Anyone is allowed to post in the forums. Just scroll to the bottom and click on 'add new post'. Anyway, I got some new clips on media, and they are funny as hell. I've been spending most of my time on this site. It has some pretty cool people there. Fair warning though - if you register there just to look at the tittie board, they will kill your account.
Anyway, let me know how you guys are doing. I am beginning to worry you've all died and your computer is coming here on it's own. Later.
(1) Comments |
The Cow -- 07:39:56 on 01/10/2003 |
Fucking title length restricti |
Still trying to think up something for a post.
Maybe soon.
P.S. -- Anyone still out there??
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The Cow -- 03:33:05 on 01/04/2003 |
I like New Zealand |
The following are actual ads for dog food in New Zealand:
A Little Risque
If my ex only thought like this more
Gotta Love the Bitch
Finally...after a hard day of licking balls...
It's a damn shame that those are the best pics I've botten in weeks....I wonder what happened to everyone sending normal porn.....
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The Aardvark -- 01:50:12 on 12/20/2002 |
Thanks Fuckers |
I have been trying for the last five years to get up off my ass and apply for college, and all the shit that goes with it. Finally, after all this time I did it, got accepted, got my student loans, and my letter for orientation. I had been looking forward to it until the recent posts by the Cow and the Aardvark. Thanks guys, now I am scared shitless.
But then I thought what the hell, I always did OK in school, what could possibly change in 10 years? I will just have to get used to using different words in history such as "Native Americans" for indians, and other shit like that. And then fact that in the computer classes I will be taking there probably won't be even one comadore 64. And the English classes we probably won't be able to ease out of writing assignments by reminding the teacher that there is a basketball game, even though I didn't play nor attend the damn things. Hell, I'm not even sure a plus sign still means to add.
Oh, well, If the Cow and Aardvark get out of their legal messes for going postal I will be sure to put down a retainer for their lawyer.
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mrhappy -- 03:55:43 on 12/15/2002 |
Finals..from hell |
Okay, so just for future reference, The Cow and I MAY need everyone to save bail money. Depending on how finals go, of course. Statistics, Physics, Intro to Multicollinearity, Theory of the Blue Stuff You Put Your Combs In, all have finals at 7:30 very, very, a.m. I have no idea why.
It's things like 7:30am finals that create the "If you step in front of a bus, you get all A's" rules. It's not that I think I did bad on my test. It's the fact that most of the common world has some degree of math/test anxiety. By making us take the test early, most normal people have not had a chance to even activate their brains. Most instructor's think that if you stay up all night studying it's because you don't know the material. Try this, by having a 7:30 final, everyone stays up because they are scared they will over-sleep. Either way you go to take your test and you feel like Alzheimer's has set in. Everything you have learned is, well, run together into a blob and the shit is oozing out of your ear into a puddle on the floor.
The only people who should have to take 7:30 am finals are medical students. I think the earth will still be spinning if finals could maybe start a 8:30 or 9:00. No one's life is at stake.
For anyone who will have to take Statistics, the only remedy I have found is booze. I have made higher grades on tests in the class with Jim Beam and Coke in my system. Not enough to pass out or become violently incoherent, but just enough to relax and take the test.
So The Cow and I may need bail money soon, when you sell your books back don't throw the change in the Red Kettle Drive. Save it for us cause the next time I have to take a 7:30 test that requires four pencils, two pieces of gum, an eraser, a scantron, a graphing calculator, a packet of reference tables, a packet of formulas, a bourbon and Coke, and THEN the test itself, piled onto a fold out "desk" that has less surface area than a piece of notebook paper, while the guy sitting next to me insists on wearing the thickest fucking jacket in the world because it's so fucking cold so early in the morning, and I'm SO up to my ass in papers and booze and goose down I can't fucking breath someone's getting hurt.
All that to get a B.....
(1) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 23:57:28 on 12/13/2002 |
I'm up too early |
Well, I just finished my final in University Physics 2. As if it's not bad enough just having to take that class, the final was at 7:30 am. I didn't think they even had classes that early. Needless to say, I have a rant...
So I am the type of guy that really doesn't like homework( ok, I know nobody likes it, but I take it to the point of never doing it unless it can be done on a computer). So my test scores for the class are as follows - 94,89,85, and 90. Here's the nice part, my current grade before the final is a 55. What the fuck, you might ask(I know I did). Each time I didn't go to class, not only did I not get points for the quiz that day, they took points away from me. I am not paying the college to test how much fucking free time I have, I am paying for them to tell people I know the material. I feel like snapping my teachers fucking neck. He looked at my attendance/homework and said, 'you saved yourself alot of time this semester'. Listen asshole, I probably had less free time than anyone in this fucking class.
I am soooooo pissed at this asshole. I had to get a 50 on the final to pull out a C, so we'll see how that goes. If I don't get it, you will probably see a story about some teachers house burning down, and me going to prison. Fuck it, I give.
(2) Comments |
The Cow -- 15:36:29 on 12/12/2002 |
A Change of Pace... |
We can sit here and talk shit all we want. One of the best features of this site is that the posts and comments are bound only by the imagination of the users. So many topics have been discussed thus far.....shit, funeral processions, driving, tobogan wearers, squirrels with monsterous nuts...
Perhaps some deeper conversations are now in order because I for one have so many questions without answers. Here we go with a few:
Why is one arm really good at stuff and the other really isn't worth a shit?
Why do your arm pits stink? I know the whole bodily secretions/sweat gland stuff, but why?
Why do policemen have locks on there lockers?
Why does the letter "X" have a "Z" sound?
Why does a light switch have on and off printed on it? If it's on then fine, if it's off you can't see to fucking read?
Man, I've been studying for finals since 10:00 am, I must have lost my mind a few hours ago....I'd have to have to remember a shit looking like Jon Voight.
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The Aardvark -- 23:59:38 on 12/08/2002 |
What's that running down my... |
The human body is a magnificent bundle of cells and tissues and all that other shit. We are born with the instinct to suckle and our mind (or body) takes over with ‘Fight or Flight’ when someone scares the ever-living hell out of you. Our hearts still beat and we still breathe even when we are asleep. Our bodies will get a fever in order to kill a foreign object and we yack when we’ve had too much to drink.
Now here’s my question. Why the hell do we get the shits so easy? Too much beer? Backdoor trots. Too much fruit? Green apple splatters. Bad food? The skitters. You’d think that the human body could tough it out a little better.
The Aardvark is the kind of guy who works 7 days a week and probably always will even if he lopped off a finger between the semi-sharp edges of a an office door. Luckywhitey has worked for months with a hernia. And I've worked for four days with a broken arm.
But you subject any one of us to the mild pain and anal suffering caused by an angered anus, and we're down for the count. I mean hell, you never know when its just gas or if you're about to unleash some fury. What if you fart and release debris? I'd hate to fart in the kitchen and blow fecal matter into the next room. God, I wish they had NyQuil strength Pepcid.
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The Gimp -- 23:27:31 on 12/07/2002 |
Bell Ringing Bastards |
Am I the only one who is getting bad vibes from the Salvation Army Bell Ringers? You walk up to a store and they say "Merry Christmas", you leave a store and it's the same or something like "Have a nice day".
Now if you do put something in the pot, it's "God Bless You". Does this mean that God doesn't bless me if I don't give a little change? That would then make it like a church huh? Money=Blessings. Only difference is no long sermon or singing hymns(unless you find those singing bell ringers. Just having to put up with that bell. Either way, if you don't donate each time you are looked down on as a heartless bastard.
What's even worse is if you work at a store with a ringer outside. You come to work and they are there to greet you. Go to lunch, they're outside waiting. Come back to work, the bastard's still there. Go home and there is someone there. Thats four times and usually the ringers rotate out. So then you have a lot of different people there to make you feel guilty. So it's worse than a church. It's like there's a bunch of traveling ministers.
It's not that I don't mind giving the extra change to help those less fortunate, it's just expected each time you shop. To me, helping the homeless is bad because well, homeless people are just broke, that means they broke even. My ass has credit cards, bills, car payment, etc. I'm in the fucking hole okay. Financially a homeless person is better off than me. So maybe we should all get together and start our own bell ringer's stand.
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The Aardvark -- 19:59:11 on 12/04/2002 |
Here We Go Again...Part II |
The Aardvark is right! These are the fuckin idiots that think 1.5 inches of white stuff falling from the sky is enough to snow them in, knock out the power, and end life as we know it. Granted, this shit does happen...sometimes.
Here's the typical story for high class Arkansas folks: it starts snowing so we jump in the Jag and haul ass down to the corner grocery store. It's quite busy because of all the other idiots so now we're in a classic holiday mood, pissed. We get 4 loaves of bread, lots of bananas, 6 pounds of meat, and about another hundred dollars worth of food. We yell and bitch at the checkers about the prices, lines, and weather just before getting back in our cars.
Then we roll home at about 3 mph until we get rear-ended by the prick thats going 80. Now with normal conditions the cars would collide and stop. Not this time, pal! Because of the "Inclimate Weather" (pussies) the car now goes sailing into the power lines and knocks out the power for us hardworking, logical, bluecollar people. So now the power is out and they are in a car thats on fire. Great!
Now more hardworking folks have to not only put the fire out but also stand in the freezing rain and fix the power. Fuck you, upper class! And all of this could have been avoided if they had just stayed at home and ate the canned beans, frozen bacon, and ritz crackers that were in the pantry.
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The Gimp -- 23:51:32 on 12/03/2002 |
Here We Go Again... |
Okay, this is something for those viewers of the site that live above the Arkansas Snow Line(i.e. North of I-40). Maybe I'm the only one that sees it this way.
We already know that most people, other than ourselves, don't know how to drive. Today we're compounding the stupidity by adding the element of frozen precipitation.
As if daddy's little princess named Muffy can't drive her brand new BMW without talking on a cell phone while smoking a cigarrette, changing out cd's, applying that fourth coat of eye shadow, making sure her hair looks okay, trying not to spill the 4 gallon diet coke she just bought from Sonic that is resting between her cellulite infested thighs, while trying to eat her fries before they get cold, and making sure she know the words to the Eminem song she is now listening to.
Now we add the sleet. So there are three kinds of snow drivers. 1)The ones that are overly careful. These bastards drive slow enough to get stuck. 2)The ones that try to do eighty, then jam on their brakes. These bastards should be shot. 3)The smart son of a bitches, like you and me, that realize that there is 1)a certain speed necessary to keep from getting stuck, 2)no reason to test your brakes on a sheet of ice, 3)no reason to panic unless you spot a motherfucker that falls into category 1 or 2, 4) no reason to put it in 4 wheel drive on ICE(cause that multiplies the number of tires you have spinning wildly), and 5)no reason to drive up a 45 degree hill.
So to say the least, people here panic when you say snow. It's not even snowing/sleeting yet and people drive like it's an apocalyptic event. I've lived 30 miles out of NYC, and even they have more driving sense sometimes.
Don't even get me started on the "blue hairs" that are trying to drive in this shit......
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The Aardvark -- 23:19:44 on 12/03/2002 |
I love bone crunching stories. |
You may have noticed Luckywhitey post something about this but he never wrote the whole story. Here it is. Aardvark, don't laugh.
I was at a party this past March and to say the least, I was having a good time. A very good time. There were jello shots, punch, a couple beers, and somebody playing "Play That Funky Music White Boy." It was great. The guys at this Unnamed Fraternity were very hospitable and never once tried to kick my ass. And then, the unthinkable happened! I kicked my own ass! I know what you're thinking but it really happened.
I decided that I was pretty damn trashed and that it was definately time for bed before I hurt myself or someone else. It was a nice night so the window on the second floor was open. Why oh why? I sat in the window and promptly fell out. A trip to the ER revealed that I broke my arm, nose, couple teeth, two black eyes, and I even tore off my eyebrow.
(1) Comments |
The Gimp -- 16:17:38 on 11/29/2002 |
A wonderful turkey tale..... |
Ahh Thanksgiving, what a nice time of year. All the family gets together to eat, fight, and pass out watching tv. Gather round kiddies while I tell you a Thanksgiving story from many years ago....
Torrin and I grew up in a very small out of the way town with nothing to do. We would often pass time by causing misery to others in some demented way. Putting peanut butter under the car doors of teachers, stealing 'For Sale' signs and putting them in their yard, or plain old driving by peoples houses yelling obscenities at them. It was simple fun and we made the best of it.
For a while we were passing the time by knocking over mailboxes. We didn't knock over a bunch of mailboxes, just one house, over and over and over.... well, you get the point. Now I realize how much this must have sucked for him. As a lazy ass homeowner I would never want to get off my ass and replace my mailbox, let alone 3 or 4 times a week. Well, it would come back and bite us in the ass, whether he knew it or not...
So it rolls around to Thanksgiving and we are bored as usual. We go to hit the normal mailbox and notice something new at the house next door. A ugly ass make-shift turkey at the end of the drive-way. If you haven't seen one of these before, picture a round bail of hay with a big-ass turkey head sticking out the front, and turkey tail feathers sticking out the back. Well, of course this was calling out to us, asking to be raped.
The plan was set, and torrin was cruising towards the house at around 15 mph, and I was hanging on to the side of the truck with a sledgehammer in my hand, and turkey hatred on my mind. The plan was as follows: the turkey bashing might take a little time, so I would jump off to do the dirty work and torrin would come back and pick me up. Well, at least that was the plan.
We are rolling up to the beast, and I jump. Now, I don't know about you, but I have looked outside while a car is doing 10-15 mph and thought to myself - 'this isn't so fast, I could jump out and be ok'. WRONG. After my feet hit the ground it took all of 1 second for the rest of my body to fly forward. At this point, my body began sliding on the pavement like a hockey puck. I was in true pain.
Needless to say, when torrin came back for me, I was pretty gimped up, and the turkey didn't have a scratch on it (seeing as how the sledgehammer had flown about 50 yards down the street on impact). I had ripped both knees out of a pair of new pants, soaked them in the blood of a dumbass(me), and my wrists/palms were also torn all to hell.
So please, this Thankgiving remember my stupid ass, and kill any turkey you see. Have a fun holiday, and don't jump off any trucks.
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The Cow -- 15:02:09 on 11/28/2002 |
Remember The Pissed's |
Few people know the true meaning of Thanksgiving. That's when you just have to look back at the history of it. This country was not founded by a bunch of happy complacent people that enjoyed England. We were founded on the principle of being pissed. So way back when a few of the pissed got on a boat and took off. Pissed as they were, you would figure they should have been called "The Pissed". Perhaps they were, but history books call them "The Pilgrims". I will call them "The Pissed".
The Pissed landed at Plymouth Rock and were soon met by a bunch on Indians. The Pissed wanted to get rid of the Indians so they fattened them up, then slaughtered the shit out of them. This possibly could cause the Indians to become The Pissed Indians. The Pissed Indians retreated and The Pissed started to colonize.
Years passed and The Pissed became more pissed because other Pissed's were leaving England to come join them here with the Pissed Indians and a first generation of American Pissed(cause you know all they had to do was screw and farm). So they were pissed because they were running out of land.
So The Pissed set out west for new land, driving The Pissed Indians further west and making room for the Newly Arrived Pissed from England. Along the way many wagons broke down(that's why you see a big spread of land in middle America with a set of wheels at the driveway) and settled. The Settled Pissed were somewhat content but basically settled in to fight The Indian Pissed's for the next few years. These were the Settled Fighting Pissed's of America.
The rest of The Pissed continued west. When they got to Denver they took one look at the Rocky Mountains and said, "Fuck it". They became the Pissed Fuck It Settlers, or the Rocky Mountain Pissed's. Then they built a football stadium.
It is sad that so many Pissed dropped of the westward movement. Luckily there were enough Remaining Pissed's to tackle the Rocky Mountains and thus reach the west coast. The West Coast Pissed's were proud, for a moment though. That's when they realized they were out of land. So they were pissed.......and they built piers.
I could go on and on. The Original Pissed's laid down a pissed foundation that continues today. To be Pissed is something that knows no boundaries. We could analyze all the different Tribes of The Pissed's, but that would only make us realize that we're all still pissed. We owe Thanksgiving to the few, the proud, The Pissed. Let's all remember to be thankful and more importantly, be pissed. Happy Turkey Day!
(3) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 12:50:16 on 11/27/2002 |
Hellloooooooo.... |
What is up people? I just thought I would drop in and say hello since I haven't posted in a while. I am working on building an arcade machine sorta like this, and it has been eating up most of my time online.
Here's a fun little clip of some poor idiot with a cat. I was going to post a pic of LuckyWhitey, but I couldn't bring myself to type 'rotten vagina' into the search engine. Oh well, maybe later.
(1) Comments |
The Cow -- 04:46:58 on 11/27/2002 |
Am I cool yet? |
In every man's life there comes a day when he wonders if he's cool or not. So in our hi-tech world, that man would open up his laptop and search for a test that could answer this question. Naturally, this is the test that some unlucky son of a bitch would find just before he points the tip of an AR-15 directly at his left tonsil. After pausing for a few seconds to ponder what he was doing, he gags and blows his scalp into the next yard.
Have a nice day!
Oh, and for the record I don't have any tonsils. So no this wasn't a suicide letter. And no one needs to sue that site for injuring my self esteem. Wait, would that actully work?
(3) Comments |
The Gimp -- 18:35:38 on 11/25/2002 |
Freedom of Religion Question |
I have been hearing people on TV going on about keeping God in the Pledge of Allegiance, and putting up posters and crap with the ten commandments in schools, but then turn around and bitch if Buddist, Muslims, Wiccans, or any other religion just want to be left out of it. Or worse, want time to be left alone to pray, or meditate themselves. When the first amendment of the U.S. Constitution comes up, these holier than thou's start their shit that this country was founded on Christianity.
Now my question:
What part of Give unto Ceasar, and Turn the other cheek were best represented in the American Revolution?
(0) Comments |
mrhappy -- 18:02:20 on 11/25/2002 |
What the Fuck? |
Okay, so I was at my parent's house tonight for an early Thanksgiving Dinner. It was a good meal and everything went pretty well so we decided to play Trivial Pursuit for a while. It's a fun game, but this is where I come to my rant...
Question: What is the record number of strike outs recorded by a pitcher in a single inning? I like sports and I thought I knew the answer. I was wrong. Now, I was recently deemed colorblind by the US Air Force so I really don't know as much as I thought I did.
Answer: Four. Someone needs to explain this to me or just fuckin join in on the rant!
(4) Comments |
The Gimp -- 05:03:56 on 11/25/2002 |
Really Sick Joke of the Day |
So a friend of mine was getting in on with this chick the other night. About thirty minutes in, he decided to go for a little doggystyle.
The girl stops him and says, "Don't you think it's a little presumptuous of you to think I'm into doggystyle?"
He stops for a minute then says, "Hey, isn't presumptuous a pretty big word for a twelve year old."
Yes, I need help...and I had to share that with you. It's just so wrong, yet so funny(assuming you imagine a guy pondering the word "presumtuous" BEFORE pondering the fact that his chick is only twelve)....In other words, I'm going to hell....let me know if you need a lift.
(3) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 22:53:31 on 11/20/2002 |
Way too much time to waste.... |
I just have a quick thought about Star Wars. Granted when I was younger, I owned every Star Wars toy imaginable. I like the movies just about as much as a normal person. You won't see me at any Star Wars conventions, or sleeping with Yoda boxers. I'm just an average fan.
The thing that bothers me is in Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back and Jedi, the space ships are flying hunks of shit compared to the ships in Episode I and II. The story is told backwards, so you'd figure that the "better" ships would be those flying "H's". So for Episode I and II the ships should be a step down from the "H". You could even say that the ships in Episode I and II probably should have been some flying trash can/dildo looking things. In order to keep up with a forward technological progress, of coarse.
This is the test of how devoted a Star Wars fan you are. Apparently I failed, or wasn't thinking "outside the box" enough. A friend of mine actually had an answer for this. He says that because of the Clone Wars, all their high tech shit was destroyed, pushing their technology backwards. After the Clone Wars, they "had to somewhat start over", thus the shitier ships in the latter trilogy. So it is somewhat comparable to Afghanistan's army. They were bombed by the Russians years ago, then when it's our turn, we have nothing to bomb but shit that was rebuilt from salvage parts.
I know the visual effects business has come a ways from the last/first three movies were released. My thinking is why not challenge the special effects people to come up with some really shity ships for Episode I, II, and III? That way they can work their way up to the flying "H's", "X's" and stuff. That way George Lucas won't have to explain that his characters were so screwed up in the head that they actually evolved from sleek, futuristic, aerodynamic, ships into angular, less aerodynamic, flying letter of the alphabet, hunks of shit. [To The Cow, would Ray Kurzweil have fun in this shit or what].
So, to say the least, I have wasted your time quite well. These are the pressing issues of today that are talked about in the breakroom. Maybe all the caffeine and nicotine has warped our minds....
(1) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 22:41:09 on 11/20/2002 |
Big Breasts |
Do we have any "big breast" type of guys in the house? I know The Aadvark is sitting there just drooling and getting ready to hit this link, but first I have to say something. Women in our country are very cought up in the whole model look. They want flatter abs, thinner thighs, a brighter smile and the list goes on and on. I really don't have any problem with this. Why would I? That just means that my chances of hitting some Top Quality, USDA Choice, Grade A peice o' ass is a lot greater. Why the hell would I mind? But when stupid, poor, ugly bitches want it too much, look at what happens! I mean really, what did she think would happen if she spent all your money on just one of them? Shit, at least they put it in the right spot, she could have ended up looking like this. Damn stupid bitches...
(3) Comments |
The Gimp -- 05:42:06 on 11/19/2002 |
So I said... |
Okay, so I said, "Rectum? Damn near killed um'!"
You guys have to see this. I found this after hours of boredom. check out video #101, 466, and 498 at Stupidvideos.com...It's some funny shit!
(0) Comments |
The Gimp -- 05:10:43 on 11/19/2002 |
I am ...... in Hell |
I have like 4 computers at the house, and up until yesterday I had a dsl internet connection. Now, I am making this post on a dial-up connection from my laptop. This is probably sad, but I spend 90 percent of my weekend on the internet, and this shit just doesn't cut it. I pay an outrageous amount for my dsl (damn backwoods phone companies), and I really expect it to work. I might go on a murderous rampage now. Good-bye.
(1) Comments |
The Cow -- 16:44:19 on 11/17/2002 |
Sweat shop labor |
This is kind of an expansion on The Gimp's "Fuckin Beggars". A lot of you know their is a protest involving working conditions overseas, more specifically Asia. Some people here at home find the conditions overseas horrible because a twelve year old girl has to work 18 hours with out a break for 50 cents in an unair-conditions warehouse that pumps out Reeboks and Kathy Lee attire. I agree the working conditions could be better, but let's look at the situation a bit further.
By closing down "sweat shops", these people look for other means to make money, namely, prostitution. So now instead of working in a "sweat shop", the twelve year old chick is out working on a filthy street corner for 20 hours a day turning tricks for a couple bucks on a good day. Those who don't make the bucks turning tricks then resort to begging, stealing, or laying on the street with an open flesh wound. So you just have to wonder what these "anti-sweat shop" people's standards are? I say, bring back the sweat shops......maybe give em some fans.
(1) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 15:03:31 on 11/15/2002 |
Fuckin Beggers... |
If there's one thing most people hate it's a beggar. Now, I know I'm an insensitive prick but the shit has got to stop. It's one thing to beg but when you go this far it's a bit much. Really, do I just walk up to homeless people and ask for their coke cans, grocery carts, or dirty newspapers? I don't fuckin think so! Fuckin Beggars!
(2) Comments |
The Gimp -- 06:45:43 on 11/15/2002 |
Damn you!!! Work!! |
OK, I found a computer with Netscape, and this is what WOT looked like. I checked the settings and everything was enabled that needed to be, but the site looked like ass. Not to mention there was no way to click on the main menu. It didn't recognize the links. Now this shit pisses me off. I do everything standard as possible and this is what I get in return. If this is what anyone is experiencing, here is what the page is supposed to look like.
It looked pretty close to right in Mozilla, but I think Opera sucked ass like Netscape. I am not trying to get anyone to use IE, I am not trying to endorse MS. But, do not suffer through this shit that Netscape is producing. Get some alternative, be it IE or Mozilla. Later.
(0) Comments |
The Cow -- 16:13:26 on 11/14/2002 |
Brief Announcement |
Wow! I would just like to invite everyone to take a look at The Gimp's avatar. Now that again is a lot of nuts.....or a really big genital goiter. Jesus man, where in the hell did you find that? It's freaking hilarious and yet really freaking disturbing. Put a tobagan on those things man, there could be kids looking at that.
*Really kids it's okay, go ahead and look you sick bastards. That other shit is just for your parents.*
(3) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 02:50:11 on 11/14/2002 |
A bit of humor |
Everyone knows there are subtle differences between men and women. For instance, for the most part, men don't stop and ask for directions. Our thinking is, "It's near a street, we're bound to pass it." Also, men don't wash new sheets or clothes, we just love those square wrinkles from them being folded in the store so long. That way, when we see another dude, it's not like, "Oh wow Aardvark, when did you get that new shirt". They see the freaking wrinkle, and there you go.
Bottom line, if it doesn't have some sort of motor in it, we really don't care. If it doesn't make some noise, we're not interested. Above all, we have to do shit with style. We don't get the basic package, we freaking upgrade dammit. It's gotta be big, that's the way we are.
Just check out this guy if you need a reference point. This motherfucker has style. He's the kind of guy that when taking a shit and notices his boxer's are on backwards will change them around.
Now that again is a guy that knows how to do shit right. This is the guy I want to buy a vaccuum from. Have a nice day!
(2) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 23:20:17 on 11/12/2002 |
Enough is enough |
Okay, at some point everyone has to say enough is enough. I just checked my email and I can't stand it anymore. If you are like me, then I bet you have people who send you all this "One Nation Under God" shit, this 9/11 shit, and this "Jesus Loves You" shit.
The same people who send me the before mentioned subject matter emails also send me the latest pic of some sick "Fat Women over 70" porn. Maybe I'm the only person who sees a problem here. I don't claim to be a holy man, so I don't have to be worried about the hypocricy when I send some good porn pics. I will say that 9/11 was a horrible day, but I think it's time to let the shit die. That way we can all go back to being pissed off at the government. How the hell can people move on when we live in the past so fucking much? Besides, the way I figure, if God is chilling somewhere out there, who is going to be worse of: those who are hypocrits or those who try to be real to themselves(cause God is supposed to be understanding right?).
You would figure by now the people that send me the Holy Roller stuff would get a hint. Those emails always say send this to everyone you know, including the person who sent it to you. I never forward that stuff, and I never send it back to the person who sent it to me. I'd rather not try to tell people how to feel or think, unless I'm doing it for humor(see Funeral Procession). Maybe it's just me, or it's just Monday. Either way, I'd like to check my email sometime without having to delete a bunch of bullshit to get to the emails(good porn, jokes, etc.) that I actually want to read. I guess I'm just trying to stir up the shit.
(1) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 20:09:16 on 11/11/2002 |
The king of alll suck.... |
The dentist. In order to ensure a shitty Monday, I decided to schedule a dentist appointment for 8:30 AM. Don't ask me why I haven't been in 6 years, I think that's obvious. It sucks, that's why.
So he gives all this shit saying I have like 10 cavities and like 20 potential cavities, I think I have more things wrong than I have actual freaking teeth. Then he scares me to death going on and on about how I may have to have a root canal. From what I have heard about them I would rather shoot myself. Then I ask, can't we just pull it. He acts all surprised and says yes with a look of dissapointment on his face. What the fuck does he take me for, someone that gives a shit about keeping their real teeth? Why is it that none of my teeth hurt, but after he 'fixes' them, they hurt like hell?
On a lighter note, I bought Diablo2 and it's expansion pack and it is pretty damn fun. Many thanks go out to torrin for helping my wuss character get some kills. Later.
(1) Comments |
The Cow -- 16:08:55 on 11/11/2002 |
Re: Some updates... |
IE... yuck.
What I hate almost as much as SPAM is webpages that force me to fire up that POS called IE. Not only is this not my browser of choice (browser religion aside), but I do 99% of my web browsing in a non-Windows environment (Linux) where using IE is possible, but a non-trivial, and burdensome task.
Also,I have gotten so used to 'Tabbed' browsing, that I can't surf without it now. And for some reason, M$ has failed to add this feature in IE, which, sets the stage for a plug for Mozilla. 101 Reasons Why Mozilla is Better Than IE. And Mozilla is not just for Linux, it works on Windows as well.
Unfortunately, Mozilla's earlier releases where very shitty and this turned some people off from Mozilla for good. However; it is getting better with each release and is now stable enough for mainstream use. Personally, I like Galeon a lot more than Mozilla. Galeon actually uses the Mozilla renderer, but it has its own User Interface that personally, I like a little better than Mozilla's. But, Galeon is not available for Winblows, so you Winidiots are SOL.
And, for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about when I mentioned 'Tabbed' browsing, check out this screenshot of Galeon running on my Debian Linux box. Tabbed browsing is the ability to open up new webpages in a 'Tab', instead of a whole new window. In this particular example, the ones with a red label are webpages that are loading, the blue ones are those that have loaded but I have not clicked on yet, and the black are ones I have viewed.
I just love being able to middle click on a link and it automatically opens up in a new tab whithout switching to it so I can keep on reading the original website.
Oh, and for those of you who like screenshots, here is another screenshot of Galeon running under my RedHat Linux box (the fonts look kinda blocky, but thats because I broke my Anti-Aliased fonts messing with something and am too lazy to fix it).
Anyway, let me backtrack and say that the WOT website looks great under Galeon (and therefore Mozilla as well, I presume). Kudos to The Cow for making a webpage that at least works in my browser :) He just set me up for one of my favorite rants and I couldnt resist.
(0) Comments |
torrin -- 21:18:53 on 11/08/2002 |
I'm Going to Hell for this... |
Okay, so here I am again with another pressing question. Some may say, "Aardvark, is there a level of hell that you won't strive to reach?" The answer of course is no. The thing is, the things I ponder would most likely get me locked up in a mental ward. The only way I have to share this information is with you.
This latest question came to me scarily enough with no outside influence. Say you are fingering a deaf chick. My question is, if you slip up and finger the wrong way, would she get insulted? Cause you know if you are fingering a deaf chick, you don't have to talk dirty, just make sure she is watching.
You're down there going at it, next the you hear is "oohh, ohhh, I like it when you talk dirty". You haven't said a word, plus you didn't really know sign language. Leave it to me to put these two situations together. What if half way through you get a little too in to it and you accidentally sign/finger the wrong thing? To her, you might be 'signing' "You like that shit, huh? You like that shit", then one slip of a finger later and it accidentally 'signs' "I'd like to tie you up in a soccer net, you sexy bitch". I guess you just have to be careful these days.....
(0) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 15:07:06 on 11/08/2002 |
Doggystyle for Dummies |
This one I have to give props to The Gimp on...that's some high quality funny shit. Hope this doesn't ever happen to anyone I know....err, well not exactly in this way....err. Shit! I mean, I hope none of you are bull fuckers, err...just click below.
(2) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 01:58:05 on 11/07/2002 |
Some updates... |
Just got a second to post before class, but wanted to let you know about some updates. Anyone can now edit their posts. While viewing the post in the forums, there is an EDIT button in the top right hand corner of the post. Also, at the bottom of the rant bar, there is now a link to old rants.
By the way, I looked at this page is a couple of other browsers beside IE and it looked like crap. I am very sorry if you use another browser and it looks bad, but I tried to use standard html while making it. Later.
(0) Comments |
The Cow -- 16:42:43 on 11/06/2002 |
Talking Shit |
Okay, so we're sitting in the break room today at work. Within the struggle to find some intellectual conversation, we just started talking shit. Not trash talking, literally talking shit. You know, size, frequency, texture, color. Among the things overheard were, "Jesus, I had to cut the son of a bitch in half with a coat hanger to get it to flush." Try less cheese in the diet....
So, after a few minutes of discussion we were trying to figure out the best way to clean up. You either wipe standing up or sitting down. Technically, I guess if you have one of those ass washers, your exempt from this conversation. Anyway, you get your ass cleaner by wiping sitting down. If you stand up before you wipe, your ass normally closes a bit. If you stay seated, your ass is spread more and you have more area to work with. If you do both, I guess you're covered. I wish I could remember what way I was taught during potty training.
Now you may ask, Aardvark, where the hell are you going with this? My point in all this is, you dry your hands on a paper towel(sheet),blow your nose with a Kleenex,(another sheet) and finally, you attempt to clean your asshole with a little fucking square. Where the fuck did our priorities get so screwed up? Not to mention the fact that I have never found a use for just one square of ass wipes. What the fuck, I use at least five squares to blow a snot rocket. I swear, I've got to invent a toilet paper roll that's the width of a bath mat. Just talking shit, again....
(2) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 23:28:45 on 11/05/2002 |
Back Flips and Politics |
You know, I used to be able to do a backflip. At this point in my life, though, something tells me don't put your head over your ass.
Anywho, so today's election day. Finally, after today, I can watch tv without seeing some political bullshit. That is unless there is some kind of close election again and we need a run-off.
So at this point, you might be wondering what politics and backflips have in common. To the untrained eye, it seems like nothing, but if you try really hard you can see the results that may occur from improper procedure.
Have a Nice Election Day! Kill "the man"!
(2) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 22:35:11 on 11/05/2002 |
So Freakin' Bored, part II |
I haven't done much all day, aside from playing with myself, and I am freakin' bored, too. I tried going to my parents house but that was same ol' same ol'. Mom was a bitch and Dad was in a damn coma from the case of Pabst Blue Ribbon he drank instead of eating dinner. School sucks so that wasn't much of an option either...
Which brings me to my little rant. This is when I decided to watch some TV. I thought since I have extended digital cable with all the cool stuff that I would have plenty of options...wrong fucking answer! You'd think that a company would just put kickass movies on all day, all night, all week. Oh no. Just some English idiots trying to be Jackass. Why isn't there a porn channel on cable? All I really needed was to hear some moans, see some boobies, and go to bed.
Ah fuck it, I'm gonna go play with myself...
(0) Comments |
The Gimp -- 08:07:43 on 11/04/2002 |
So freakin' bored...... |
I need a new game to play. Do any of you play any online games? I'm looking for a new one to play and since it'll be forever before this comes out, I'm up for suggestions. I'm looking for something persistent, as I'm a little burned out on the shoot'em ups right now. Maybe Diablo 2 or Dungeon Siege. Or, if any of you want to buy a new one and play it with me, maybe we can.
Also, we gotta get some more traffic to this site. Any ideas, let me know. Hasta.
(7) Comments |
The Cow -- 04:43:51 on 11/04/2002 |
Tell Me What You Think |
Aren't we all just a little sick of this Dr. Phil guy? He's the bald, fat ass, "say it like it is", shock therapist. The son of a bitch also has a book, and sooner or later probably his own show.
Hey, fat ass, maybe you should listen to your own advice. I heard him telling a young fat kid that maybe they "should only eat ONE double cheeseburger at a time". Wooah! A Breakthrough! You think! How about this Dr. Phil, quit backing your fucking truck up to the buffet line. If tv adds ten pounds then you're chilling right around three bucks and a quarter. Then he tells people with marital issues that "well, marriage is going to be tough". Where exactly did this motherfucker earn his Doctorate Degree. I have a strong suspicion he earned it from a combination of night classes at the Fargo North Dakota School of Faith Healing and assorted classes from the Knoxville Tennessee School for the Retarded.
Here's my idea. You take Dr. Phil and you put him on a reality show. Only the show is basically designed for pansy asses. All we do is torment the living hell out of him for a week or so, then make him do normal mundane chores. Just imagine, we torment him with verbal abuse to a serious level of self-doubt, then make him do the laundry. The thing is if he doesn't do it right, then comes more verbal abuse. I can just see the bastard crying like a little bitch while folding towels.
If he survives the laundry, then you make the chores a little harder. After each challenge, the verbal abuse gets worse along with a little physical hazing. Make him put up a privacy fence. If it's not even, or not sturdy enough, we could crack him in the shins a couple times with a 1X4. Then you just yell at him until he's a useless, blubbering, pile of shit.
You want some shock therapy motherfucker, come by my place.
(1) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 13:17:54 on 11/02/2002 |
Warm Up The Bus To Hell... |
Okay, the way I figure, if you run into a cute chick in a funeral procession, there is a 7 car rule from behind the hearse. After that, everything is fair game. You figure four people per first 5 cars, 3 in the sixth, maybe 2 in the seventh. So what do you have there, 25 people or so. You know just the closest relatives. By the time you get to the eighth car, it's all distant relatives, maybe a friend or neighbor. Plus, under the circumstances, what an opportunity to ask them for a drink. They probably need a little cheering up. I guess the hard part is cutting into the line so you don't lose them. So, here's the next two dilemas:
One, how exactly do you approach them, do just walk up and say, "Hey, I couldn't help notice you back at the church. You know that black dress does wonders for your eyes. You were cute the way you sobbed at the viewing".
Two, what if you succeed in getting her attention in the procession, but when you get closer to her you find out she's a ham-hock eating wildabeast. At some point you have to think, okay what am I doing? It's not bad enough you're actually hitting on a chick at a funeral, but now you found out she was a little less cuter up close. Add that to the fact that there is a freaking funeral going on. What if she thinks you're cute? What if she thinks that you really know the deceased? What if the only way she thinks she will ever see you again is to maybe butcher the widow and hope you come back to the next funeral?
These are just some of the thoughts that kept me out of the really good schools. Have a happy Friday!!!
(2) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 20:17:14 on 11/01/2002 |
New stuff, again |
Well, I felt like going on a coding spree this morning. If you haven't saw the new forums yet, check them out. Not only will you see how sick and twisted FrogMan is, you will see some new features. The posts are now listed in the order they have been updated/replied to, and the replying user is listed. Also, there is now a link to the user list below the forum listings.
I really hated to make this post, because it is shifted the 'Funeral Procession' post further down. If you haven't read it yet, do it now. It it sooooo bad, but sooo funny. Also, I wanted you guys to know we haven't lost Lancelot, The Aardvark is his evil twin, hehe. Later.
(0) Comments |
The Cow -- 19:53:18 on 11/01/2002 |
Service Announcement: BOSSKEY |
Just started thinking about stuff to add to the site. This one might come in handy. If The Cow agrees then maybe we can get a BOSSKEY up on the site. It's just a button/link to click just in case you are "wasting time" at work and your boss swings by. I mean, if you are going to get caught goofing off at work, at least half way make it look like you are working on something. And since it happens to be Linear Regression homework, maybe some of you can help me out at the same time.
(1) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 14:53:27 on 11/01/2002 |
Funeral Procession |
Question: Is it okay to pass a funeral procession or am I just an insensitive bastard? Well, the insensitive bastard part might be a given, but hear me out. I know when you see a funeral procession you pull over to pay your respects.
The thing is, I get behind a very long one today on my way to class. You figure with a dead person in the car, you'd drive faster than 23 mph. So I hang back about a hundred yards(along with everyone else in a freaking hurry). We're just driving, hoping the son of a bitch turns off soon. Not that there is a cemetary even remotely nearby. Everyone coming in the opposite direction pulls over to show their respects.
The next thing is, the rest of us are bringing up the rear and nobody coming the opposite way is budging. So I guess they thought we were still part of the procession. They were all looking at me all sad. They were all just stopped. I knew the guy driving next to me(wearing what looked like a Hawaiian shirt and a "Fuck You" hat)in a 83'ish El Comino wasn't part of the funeral crowd.
So, I guess I panicked. I passed them like a mad man. I was running late, I couldn't help it, I had to haul ass. Besides, who has a funeral at high freaking noon. You know, "Let's stop by Pizza Inn for buffet, then go on to the funeral home". I know I got some dirty looks, not to mention a laugh from the guy sporting the "Fuck You" hat. If it helps, I passed them all as fast as I could. You'd have done the same shit... And at least when I passed them I didn't look over(except for the cute chick in the Camry). You know how we all "rubber neck".
Maybe, I should keep a sign in my truck that says "Sorry, I can't slow down right now, but you have my deepest sympathies". I'll be back soon with my next question: If you see a cute chick in a funeral procession, how many cars behind the hearse would you say is "safe".....?
(4) Comments |
The Aardvark -- 04:00:32 on 11/01/2002 |
Battle of the not so witty... |
As some of you out there know, I play an online game called Counter-Strike. The people that play this game are usually very hardcore, and do not take the game lightly at all. So here is a cute segment of chat from lasts nights ventures. I don't recall the other guys name, so we'll call him Mr.X. (btw 'ping' is a term that refers to how long it takes info to travel between you and the server. below 100 is usually preferred. unfortunately my ping on this server is usually around 150.)
-- I kill Mr.X yet again --
Mr.X: Fuck you cow, you've killed me three times in a row with your 150 ping.
At this point I ponder how I should respond, and decide that sometimes simplicity is the answer.
Me: Well, I guess I'm better than you.
It was wonderful, everyone started laughing at him, and I continue to rape his ass. Not sure what he expected me to say back, but I guess it wasn't that. Another good way to piss people off is to just agree with whatever they say. If they say something mean to/about you, just reply Ok. I love pissing off assholes :)
(3) Comments |
The Cow -- 15:53:41 on 10/31/2002 |
Anyone there? |
Wow, this place seems a little quiet compared to the old site. Oh well, just wanted to let you guys know I have set up avatars. They will show up in your posts in the forum (see my post to get an idea). There are links to set it up in 'Edit Profile', or you can just click here to upload the pic, and here to set it as your selection.
By the way, Gimp and Aardvark, you are good to go, see you soon.
(3) Comments |
The Cow -- 15:15:25 on 10/31/2002 |
Notes on the new site |
Just a few instructions about the new site. If you want to create a user account, click on 'Log In', and hit the 'New User' button. After you create the account, you can use the 'Edit Profile' button to change your password or other info. Also, in 'Edit Profile' you can turn on a personal link bar and add links to it so you have exactly the links you want on this page. If you go to the forums (articles are also in the forums), and view a post, you can see info on the user that posted by clicking on their name. I will probably add an option to edit your posts, and an option to view a user list soon. If you have any other ideas let me know.
(0) Comments |
The Cow -- 16:00:33 on 10/30/2002 |
Latest 10 Things to Piss Someone Off |
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Goin' a year without reading any good stuff on WOT******
Bubb Rubb******
Female drivers******
Broken water pumps******
When female drivers and a broken water pump come together thus causing the entire engine to become a raging pile of hot nothingness******
Being sick******
Going to work at 4:30am******
Arnold Schwarzengger******
The fact that the "National Do Not Call List" may not work because telemarketers say it infringes their first admendment rights to speech******
Not knowing how to get on the National Do Not Call List
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